I consider myself fortunate to live in a country that encourages mothers to take a paid leave for one year from their jobs to raise their children. I think that it says a lot about Canada and how we view our children and motherhood. But that does not make it any easier for me to leave Jacob all day now that that year is up.
Today is my first official day back at work. I have been easing my way into it for the last month, but today is my first full work day.
Where did the year go? How did I arrive here so soon? I was so careful to enjoy every snuggle, every moment, every milestone. And yet I can’t help but feel cheated by time.
Today I am getting a new office. A better office. A nicer office. But that office does not compare to my messy living room that is cluttered with trucks and storage containers and plastic kitchen tools. That office is pales in comparison to the space that my boy occupies.
How do I leave him for an entire day? Will he look for me around every corner like the game we play?
Did I pump enough milk? How long will I be able to continue pumping and breastfeeding?
Will he cry for me when he wakes up from his nap? I know he will and that thought cloaks me in guilt.
What am I going to miss? His first steps? New obsessions? Or (yikes) new injuries?
And the question that all working mommas ask themselves, “Am I doing the right thing?”
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